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Migrating Snails - Book #10 in non-fiction
Airdate: Thursday - September 23, 1971

WOR Show
Original Airing

audio

First Spoken Line After Theme Ends

Hey, Gang, I thought of another one. . .

Show Description

[ Courtesy: GROK - - ]   
  Jean Shepherd radio monologue (WOR, Sept. 23, 1971) � a loose, comic late-night show built around his book hitting #10 on Time's nonfiction bestseller list, plus set pieces on lemons, late movies, bureaucracy, and snails.

Opening and "salute"
After news and studio banter, Shepherd salutes Eddie Campos of Pico Rivera, who drove his new 1970 Continental Mark III onto a Ford plant lawn, doused it with gasoline, and burned it because it was a lemon. Campos said he'd still make the payments. Police called him sober, rational, and disgusted.

The book on the lists
He tells listeners to open that week's Time: his book is #10 on the national nonfiction list (next to Dr. Reuben's sex book). Publishers Weekly lists it as fiction. His Playboy editor calls him "unclassifiable." He doesn't care which pile it's in; it's on the list.

A commercial for the X-rated 3-D film The Stewardesses follows.

Late-night movies
He riffs on "triple feature paralysis" from sitting through bad late movies, vanished used-car pitchmen, and a night when a Priscilla Lane picture cross-faded into a Tex Ritter western with the wrong soundtrack still running�then a preacher and Preparation H. He plays a 1945 WOR station ID from the station's "archives of mediocrity."

Appearances and a signing
Tomorrow: Joe Franklin's show (with Hans Conried) and two book signings. At Bamberger's in Edison a woman stares at him and says she's disappointed: she expected an older bald man in a slouch hat.

The "secret document"
A long satirical bit framed as a CIA-coded message recovered from a washed-up submarine battery. "Plan": build a six-lane freeway from Gorky to Peking using the worst U.S. highway engineers; ban pre-1965 cars, pay owners $700, abandon the cars in port cities, have inner-city residents deliver them to Liberty ships for $100 each (ending welfare); mail spare tires to New York for shipment to Asia. Goal: keep Asia busy with breakdowns so they won't make war, dump U.S. junk, and blame Democrats later. Don't give the plan to Ted Kennedy.

Parking-ticket story
A Portland executive's overtime ticket is mailed to the wrong courthouse, treated as child support, sent to his ex-wife as $4 instead of $150, generates warrants and a $27 fine, and is finally wiped when an official destroys the paperwork. The ex keeps the $4.

Migrating snails (title piece)
Snails migrate in a "creep." Their slime trails form hieroglyphics that Rosicrucians study. Humans do the same: every life leaves an invisible, tangled trail�"a gray Brillo pad rusted on the beach of eternity." After a mock-religious pause he signs off toward Lester Smith and the news.      
  

News Articles Read by Shep During Show

Shep would often read articles he recently read or were sent in by fans

Time	Image	Description
• 02:32		Burning a Lemon
• 35:20		Parking Ticket

WOR ID

Time	Station ID (All times approximate)
• 15:44	WOR Jingle

Commercials (All times approximate)

Time	Sponsor	Notes
• 10:34	Movie Promotion	The Stewardesses - rated X
• 17:04	Shep Promo - Live Appearance	Joe Frankin Show - Tomorrow night

Music (All times approximate)

Time	Music Title	Notes
• 02:19	Unknown - William Tell Overture - 2
• 07:25; 19:55; 42:20	When The Saints Go Marching In
• 15:44	WOR Jingle from circa 1943

Callers

Time	Caller	Notes
08:39	• Kid call in to answer Sheps question about what important event was in the current issue of Time Mag - Wanda Hickey is #10 on the Non-Fiction list

Engineers, Staff, and Guests in Booth

Time	Engineer, Staff or Guest
• 14:25	Leigh Brown
• 02:18	Marty

Instruments and Special Effects Played During the Show

Instruments Played

Kazoo
Nose Flute
Echo Chamber

Rating

None Yet

Related Plots / Story Lines and Other References Used

Time	Category	Date	Title	Comments
• [ 18:37 ]	Books		Booksigning - "Wanda Hickey's Night of Golden Memories..."

Airdate History ' - Original' date is earliest known broadcast)

	Date	Title
	September 23, 1971 Recno: 8737	Migrating Snails - Book #10 in non-fiction	Original Airing

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"Can you imagine 4,000 years passing, and you're not even a memory?
Think about it, friends. It's not just a possibility. It is a certainty." - Jean Shepherd - 1975